I Don’t Want To Talk To You
WARNING: Remember this blog is unfiltered raw emotion.
When I was 30 something I met a cousin at another cousins wedding. His first question: “How’s your diabetes?” His second question: “What medications are you taking?” The conversation about my health went on for what seemed like 30 minutes before I made up a VERY lame excuse to leave. Later I found out from Laurie that I had hurt his feelings by leaving. At the time I didn’t care that his feelings had been hurt. It was my feelings that I was worried about.
You see I knew he meant well and I know that people mean well today. Simply put, I have been moved to tears by the number of people who have shown how much they care about me in the past month based on emails, Facebook messages and conversations. At the same time I have to tell you that at times I let myself get frustrated (like I did at that wedding) when I perceive that my bad health seems to follow and define me.
Epilepsy @ 15
Skin Graft surgery
Eye surgery
Hand surgery
Kidney Transplant to come
Just to name a few!!!
It is so easy to allow health conditions define you. For example once I was introduced to a man named Bill and this is how the introduction went: "Pastor Ed meet Bill. He’s a cancer survivor." What do I say to Bill next? "Nice to meet you cancer survivor?"
The main reason I did not write you last week is that I didn't want my kidney disease defining me.
Please don’t take this personally but I didn’t want to talk to you last week. I needed to talk to you!!! But I didn’t want to. That may seem hard to understand. But for those of you who get it... well you get it. For those of you who don’t get it, please accept my apologies. I would just rather be known as Ed and not Ed with the kidney problems.
The balance is a curse and a blessing because the more people that know about the kidney problems the more prayer support and potential donors I have.
Last week I didn’t sleep much at all. I let worry and depression take root for a few days. I allowed myself to define myself by my kidneys. How ironic is that??!!! I was so tired of waiting for the next Doctors appointment because I wanted to get moving forward with the potential transplant. Well tomorrow is the day of that appointment so I will write another instalment this week. I treasure your prayers!!
Potential Donors Stay Tuned: You should hear from me soon about steps to get tested for kidney compatibility!!! All of you are such a gift from God!!!
Honestly: I really do want to talk to ALL OFYOU!!! Thank you for understanding when I need to be silent too. For as the psalmist says...
Psalm 62:5
For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.
Well that's about it for this lot of spaghetti. Hope a little bit of it stuck to your wall.
I take blessings from you all.
Please write back with any questions, encouragement etc. You are the best!!!
(YES, that is Mickey and Minnie Mouse at a church event here in Winnipeg)
Ed
Hey Ed
ReplyDeleteI'm going to tell you that you are not defined by your health status (well, I know you already know this). When I think of you (and it's been years since we've actually seen you) I think of your heart and passion for the Lord, your family and those around you. I think of your determination, humour and kindness (remember inviting us over for lunch after church the first Sunday we attended with our new baby - who is now 12).
Go ahead, be defined...be defined as a passionate man of hope...and so much more!
All the best in this journey to you and your family!
We defined you as a good teacher, a nice pastor and a passionate shepherd who protects and guards the sheep and not by your health status. Fight the good fight of the faith Pastor Ed - God sees you everyday.
ReplyDelete